Blood Diner Review

Movie: Blood Diner
By: Maniac E
Date: March 6, 2013

First they greet you, then they eat you.

So it has been some time that I looked into the campy side of things. And boy did I find a golden oldy for you guys this time. Having only been officially released on VHS, and a few bootleg DVD's, this movie has been seen by few since its initial release and has since somewhat disappeared into obscurity. We at present you our review:

The story:

The story: At the direction of their uncle Anwar, a talking brain in a jar, two restaurateur brothers assemble a vessel composed of body parts harvested from immoral women to receive the spirit of the ancient Egyptian goddess Sheetar. They are opposed by a pair of mismatched cops and the owner of a rival vegetarian restaurant intent on stealing their secret recipe. After many bloody murders, they must complete only the last ritual, a"Lumerian feast" where Sheetar will take the life of a virgin, along with the attendees at the banquet.

Blood Diner

The style of humor may work for teenagers and a few others who are deep into the vibe of (funnier) gore-comedy hybrids like Dead-Alive [AKA Braindead]. If Blood Diner stopped there, it would be a forgettable failure, but drollery through dismemberment isn't what earns this movie its seat at the weird banquet. The lame humor simply provides a base on which the movie overlays its true weirdness. Blood Diner's clumsy comedy sets an odd tone of failed deliberate camp. Authentic camp occurs when we watch bad actors botch sincere lines. Such scenes can be unintentionally hilarious.

Blood Diner

Deliberate camp occurs when a decent actor delivers insincere lines meant to poke fun at sincere beliefs; the laughs are delivered with a wink that lets the audience know that the performer is in on the joke. We're supposed to be laughing with the players, not at them. But when we have bad actors misfiring on insincere lines, we get a situation where they are telling us they're in on the joke but it's a different joke than the one we're getting. It's an uneasy feeling, being constantly uncertain whether you should be laughing with or at the folks who are bringing you Blood Diner.

Blood Diner

Failed camp is not what makes Blood Diner weird, but it certainly is a different starting point for a weird film. Ultimately, it's the exotic flavors that are promiscuously thrown in to the blood-red comedy stock that gives this stew it its uniqueness. Of course, there's Uncle Anwar, the talking brain with eyes and the ridiculous"Egyptian" accent. There's the topless aerobics massacre. There's the rival vegetarian restaurant owner with the ventriloquist dummy sidekick, who the rest of the cast addresses as if he were a breathing actor. There's the fact that both the principals and the extras laugh like kids in a schoolyard making fun of a nerd who just got panted every time someone loses a hand or head in a of geyser of blood. There's the time Anwar reminisces about the days when he had a body, and his memories take the form of old black and white rape-themed stag films. And there's a subplot about a professional wrestler with the toothbrush mustache and swastika armband performing under the name"Little Jimmy Hitler."

Blood Diner

With so many gory strands and peculiar preoccupations going into the mix, Blood Diner feels stitched together, like the Frankenstein's corpse made up of parts of immoral women. Blood Diner partly turns into a zombie film near the end, and the great Sheetar is resurrected from her slumber. Lightning bolts, stomach mouths, and exploding ears! The creativity is non-stop. First they greet you, then they eat you. Fair enough. This may turn into something too nutty for some viewers. Strict fans of dark horror should be hesitant, though the mush of body parts and high death toll definitely aren't for the faint at heart. Before you can decide whether this movie is up your alley or not, drive down to Tutman's Diner and order a take-out.



Blood Diner


Blood Diner


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Rick Burks, Carl Crew and Roger Dauer