Decoys Review

Movie: Decoys
By: Kries Tyfus
Date: April 2, 2012

Hostile Take-Over From Outer Space!

Decoys starts off with a bunch of yeah-yeah-yada-yada's. And by that, I mean I've seen it so many times before, it's really getting old. There's some shots of the average Halloween night. People walking in ridiculous clothes. Kids are trick 'n treating around. There's a glimpse of some kind of ghost figure. Then the movie takes you inside a house where the first murder takes place and finally switches on to a don't-worry-be-happy schoolday. How many times have we seen this? Is the intro really relevant to the rest of the story this time? Well, not really. Maybe at one point or another, but still.. it's a 2004 production, so you at least expect an intro of a bit more decensy. Oh, well.. let's just carry on.

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Luke and Roger are the stereotype college kids. Trying to build a future career, while trying to get laid during college. It‘s like they stepped right out of yet another American Pie movie, but less funny. Can you imagine? Because American Pie isn't funny at all. When Luke and Roger are doing their laundry at the school's laundry dorm, they get in touch with two blondes, named Lily and Constance. Followed by a couple of flirts and teasing games.. (yawn).. they finally make their way out, leaving a roll of pennies by accident. Luckily for them the boys are born with good conscience and Luke goes to return them in their room. As Luke enters the room of the blondes it seems nobody is home. So why not just leave the roll of pennies over there and get the hell out? But wait! Yes, the girls are about to enter while Luke is still in the room. Hide, buddy! Hide! It didn't need a rocket scientist to see that one coming. While hiding in the closet, Luke discovers the ugly truth about the two lovely ladies. And by ugly, I mean huge tentacles coming out their chest. I mean.. you‘d rather see other things between a girls boobs, right? With this being witnessed, Luke is quite sure about his theory: aliens came down to earth for a hostile take over! But of course no one believes him..

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Everybody is pumped up for the upcoming Ice Queen Contest. It's like a Homecoming Dance. Or Prom Night, or whatever. Both Lily and Constance are runner-ups for the upcoming contest. Another reason for Luke to save the day, because here's the thing: Luke was right all along. The two girls are indeed space aliens, trying to conquer earth in order to keep their own race alive. It's their duty to seduce men and get pregnant, since their race is at the point of dying out. They seduce just random picks to have ice cold sex with. I mean.. I don't think sticking a tentacle in someone's throat in order to get pregnant and just kill them after the deed by freezing them to death, isn't quite amusing to anyone. Even the most perverted sicko's the world has ever known aren't waiting for this kind of treatment. Once you have sex with one of these girls.. be prepaired to die.

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Decoys is another attempt trying to fit in with the likes of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Species and The Faculty, but in my opinion.. it's far from that. The plot is kind of lame and there's no real character development whatsoever. Even though director Matthew Hastings did his best by giving Roger and Lily a romantic twist to the story and yet another plot twist awaits at the end, it just doesn't work for me. The movie is filled with lame humour and cheap sex scenes and it's way too predictable. I eventually lost count of head-shakes during my run of watching. The murder scenes are what I'd like to call.. let's just say, different. Not much blood is spilled in this one, only frozen bodies. Seeing a tentacle sliding down a man's throat isn't really my idea of fun entertainment. It's weird.

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It's obvious this movie aims at mostly teenagers and college kids, but come on.. I don't think any teenager is waiting for this kind of stuff. It may look like nothing good came up with this review, but I have to admit that Decoys isn't THAT painful to watch. There's an 'okay movie' underneath it all. Just don't get yourself irritated about the bad acting and tasteless sex crimes too much. Hmm.. what else is left? Oh, right.. a corny B-movie. Decoys is getting away with only 2 stars.







Matthew Hastings






Corey Sevier, Elias Toufexis, Stephania Von Pfetten, Kim Poirier